When everything happens at once, all you can do is keep moving...
Or as it's said in country,
"If you're going through hell, keep on moving,
Don't slow down, if you're scared don't show it,
You might get out before the devil even knows you're there!"
Well, depending on what part of life has happened lately, that is how I am thinking. So since nothing is ever simple in my life anyways I'm almost surprised I don't always think like that. But that's neither here nor there.
Recently, I have woken up and come to the realization that my ridiculous speculations as to how serious I feel about Sterling were sad doubts that had grown in the back of my mind due to past fears I had accumulated during my marriage and common-law relationship. He is so good to me I think that i had actually questioned -again- whether I deserved to have someone so wonderful in my life. He's just so good to me and treats me so well that sometimes it amazes me that I could have hooked myself such a great catch, as cheesy as that sounds. Well having come to this realization, I now had the inconvenient issue of having to figure out how to tell him that I now am sure that I want to make a wholehearted effort in our newfound relationship. You know, since we live together already! Of course, he assured my love and devotion by doing two things that are very special and significant to me. The first was that he brought his son to our apartment for the night. To me this means that he not only trusts me to be around his son in a closer way but also that he feels comfortable in bringing me into that part of his life, because his son is, in my opinion, the most important thing in his life. The second was that he was very sneeky and called the company that I was buying my saddle from and he paid off the balance. Now most people would assume that means that my love can be bought, but if you think that, then you are wholly wrong about who I am as a person. Sterling, being the genius that he is, did exactly the thing that no man would probably think to do that would mean the most to me. To buy me something like a saddle or do anything to do with my horses is the first thing that says to me how much he knows me and proves that he knows what is important to me and how to support what is close to my heart. If the way to a man's heart is through his stomach, the way to mine is through the tack store!
And that was about where the positive side of things ends. Everything else is just... bad. The first was the disappointment of having the first of a series of three competitions being held by Wolf Creek Stables cancelled due the terrifyingly cold weather. Understandably, it was so cold it was a hazard to the health of the animals aswell as the people for fear of frost bite, but it did suck to find out what I had been working towards wouldn't happen. That was supposed to happen this past sunday. Since then, almost the entire barn's horses, at Camelstone of course, have gotten sick, and it was today we found out, after getting the results back from the vet, that they all have strangles! And my gelding is the worst of all of them. Of course Sadie is already on the mend, being the vibrant little mare she is, and was the first to have the infection start to drain. I just hope the rest of the herd, including Forest, starts tomorrow. I don't mind going to the stable to wash off their chins so long as that means they're healing and the meds they're on are working. But of course, due to the nature of strangles, this means we won't be able to go to the first or second competition, and I will be in the sandbox for the third. So competing will have to wait until the summer. Also, which isn't so bad but still sucks is I'm kicking my own ass prepping for this stupid Battle Fitness Test (BFT) that I have to pass in order to be allowed to go on tour to Afghanistan, but it's gonna suck! 13 km in 2hrs 26mins and 20secs... beyond me where the 20 seconds came from but hey, gives me time to run across the finish line. And then on top of it all, instead of Sterling saying goodbye to me, I'll be saying goodbye to him because he gets to go on a career course before I even leave. Oh well. It's suck it up time!
Let's hope that everyone survives this crazy time!
Keep moving,
Lady S.
Friday, January 28, 2011
Thursday, January 20, 2011
20 JAN 11: A Step Back
Well I was telling a good friend that I used to write when I was in high school and I figured that I'd prove how "terrible" I was... you be the judge!
Summer sun brings summer rain
In a circle smooth as water
Rises high with the heat of day
And falls into passionate romance
But on white sand firm
With salt of the water
And miles of beach to walk
I take each step with a knowing stare
As I drift into the tide
My legs will tire, my feet will sore
My mind wander with the grace of the wind
But the sun will not set
And the sand will not end
And my mind cease to imagine
The possibilities my dreams hold
For a bright and happy future
I'll travel the world in the blink of an eye
On a carpet of my own creation
Pulled by the colours of places abroad
And the faces I've yet to see
With every step and every turn
My direction takes me someplace else,
So long as my feet will move
My heart beats forever on
The love it glows in and the warmth it feeds
Keeps my soul alive
But the feelings I keep
Down in me deep
Will be my end in the shadows before dawn
The shadows I'm held in now
And forever, should I hold feelings out
But the sand's still there
And the tide will come in
With the rise of another sun
And the beach would come to an end
But my sunset won't fall
And my beach will not end
And vision falls off the cliff of eternity.
(27 AUG 04)
Enjoy!
Lady S.
Summer sun brings summer rain
In a circle smooth as water
Rises high with the heat of day
And falls into passionate romance
But on white sand firm
With salt of the water
And miles of beach to walk
I take each step with a knowing stare
As I drift into the tide
My legs will tire, my feet will sore
My mind wander with the grace of the wind
But the sun will not set
And the sand will not end
And my mind cease to imagine
The possibilities my dreams hold
For a bright and happy future
I'll travel the world in the blink of an eye
On a carpet of my own creation
Pulled by the colours of places abroad
And the faces I've yet to see
With every step and every turn
My direction takes me someplace else,
So long as my feet will move
My heart beats forever on
The love it glows in and the warmth it feeds
Keeps my soul alive
But the feelings I keep
Down in me deep
Will be my end in the shadows before dawn
The shadows I'm held in now
And forever, should I hold feelings out
But the sand's still there
And the tide will come in
With the rise of another sun
And the beach would come to an end
But my sunset won't fall
And my beach will not end
And vision falls off the cliff of eternity.
(27 AUG 04)
Enjoy!
Lady S.
Sunday, January 16, 2011
16 JAN 11: Kindred Spirits Surface Everywhere
When you think you know those around you, people pop out of the closet to surprise you.
Horse people are apparently more common in the military than I thought. Leslie is a girl from my sister crew that, just like I was before I got Sadie, was desperately missing any kind of contact with horses. So having striked up a conversation at work about horses, of course, and she is happily willing to come to the stable and put the miles on Sadie that she is sorely lacking due to the attention I need to pay to Forest to prepare him for competing this summer. I'm trying to sell Sadie still, and hopefully to the right person, but that's kind of hard when she's so forward that it becomes a challenge to ride her everytime she's tacked up. So now, Leslie has a free horse to ride, Sadie is getting the attention she needs until she's sold, and all of this will make it easier to sell her, aside from the fact that I love her and it will be extremely hard to part with my first horse. But if I want to work towards going to Trillium and to take Forest to levels that most Appys wouldn't achieve due to their breed, then I have to devote my attention to him and let go of that emotional part of the whole thing. If I were lucky I'd be able to find her later down the road and give her a home with me to retire and live the last days of her life in peace, I would. But I can't afford it right now. So I'll be keeping my eyes open for my beautiful mare down the road when I can bring her home again.
But in the grand scheme of things, I now have someone to ride with and talk to about horses at work, which is just incredibly awesome! Leslie used to event, and since I'm doing hunter it's not much different, I'm just not into the dressage portion of it. So we'll have plenty in common when we do ride, and I hope that if she buys a horse this spring then whatever she gets will hopefully be at around Forest's level and we can compete together, or push each other to move ahead. Either way it'll be cool to have someone to hang with. Especially since she lives in the same town I do and we can go to the stable together. I'm such a loser to be so happy to have a horsey buddy that's at around the same level as I am but I'm so excited I just don't care. And I can't wait to introduce her to all the horse stuff in the area, especially the different competitions and possibilities close by.
Yay!!! Horse-everything! Whoop whoop!
Hooray,
Lady S.
Horse people are apparently more common in the military than I thought. Leslie is a girl from my sister crew that, just like I was before I got Sadie, was desperately missing any kind of contact with horses. So having striked up a conversation at work about horses, of course, and she is happily willing to come to the stable and put the miles on Sadie that she is sorely lacking due to the attention I need to pay to Forest to prepare him for competing this summer. I'm trying to sell Sadie still, and hopefully to the right person, but that's kind of hard when she's so forward that it becomes a challenge to ride her everytime she's tacked up. So now, Leslie has a free horse to ride, Sadie is getting the attention she needs until she's sold, and all of this will make it easier to sell her, aside from the fact that I love her and it will be extremely hard to part with my first horse. But if I want to work towards going to Trillium and to take Forest to levels that most Appys wouldn't achieve due to their breed, then I have to devote my attention to him and let go of that emotional part of the whole thing. If I were lucky I'd be able to find her later down the road and give her a home with me to retire and live the last days of her life in peace, I would. But I can't afford it right now. So I'll be keeping my eyes open for my beautiful mare down the road when I can bring her home again.
But in the grand scheme of things, I now have someone to ride with and talk to about horses at work, which is just incredibly awesome! Leslie used to event, and since I'm doing hunter it's not much different, I'm just not into the dressage portion of it. So we'll have plenty in common when we do ride, and I hope that if she buys a horse this spring then whatever she gets will hopefully be at around Forest's level and we can compete together, or push each other to move ahead. Either way it'll be cool to have someone to hang with. Especially since she lives in the same town I do and we can go to the stable together. I'm such a loser to be so happy to have a horsey buddy that's at around the same level as I am but I'm so excited I just don't care. And I can't wait to introduce her to all the horse stuff in the area, especially the different competitions and possibilities close by.
Yay!!! Horse-everything! Whoop whoop!
Hooray,
Lady S.
Sunday, January 9, 2011
9 JAN 11: Hell Week Ends
If anyone thought that working in a strip bar was fun, they were wrong...
Our poor day bartender got her foot crushed by an unruly customer so for the next month the bar needed to find people to take over for her. I wasn't exactly doing anything important with my last week of vacation so I volunteered to take over for my last week. I figured it'd be easy extra money... Until I got the biggest migraine ever the night after the last day of work. And sadly, it's not even over. I have to go back into the bar today to clean it after a night of retards coming in to get smashed and watch titties bounce on stage. Then, after vacuuming and mopping, I get to teach a private pole dancing lesson to an apparently very shy girl. Oh this should be fun!
The worst part of this was that though I did not have to work on the Monday, I spent the morning of that day puking and hoping that I would be able to go to work the next day. So a wonderful beginning and a wonderful finish to a boring, dry, wasyed week. But atleast I got paid for it.
The part that really sucks though is it's hard to keep to my resolution of not eating after 8pm unless at work when I wasn't getting home in time to make something to eat and actually eat it before 8. And of course, it took up precious riding time. Yay...
Wish me luck for next week,
Lady S.
Our poor day bartender got her foot crushed by an unruly customer so for the next month the bar needed to find people to take over for her. I wasn't exactly doing anything important with my last week of vacation so I volunteered to take over for my last week. I figured it'd be easy extra money... Until I got the biggest migraine ever the night after the last day of work. And sadly, it's not even over. I have to go back into the bar today to clean it after a night of retards coming in to get smashed and watch titties bounce on stage. Then, after vacuuming and mopping, I get to teach a private pole dancing lesson to an apparently very shy girl. Oh this should be fun!
The worst part of this was that though I did not have to work on the Monday, I spent the morning of that day puking and hoping that I would be able to go to work the next day. So a wonderful beginning and a wonderful finish to a boring, dry, wasyed week. But atleast I got paid for it.
The part that really sucks though is it's hard to keep to my resolution of not eating after 8pm unless at work when I wasn't getting home in time to make something to eat and actually eat it before 8. And of course, it took up precious riding time. Yay...
Wish me luck for next week,
Lady S.
Saturday, January 1, 2011
01 JAN 11: And the New Year Comes!
Yet another year with the chance of it going to shit. Let us hope there is more in store for this one than there was the last!
Another New Year's Eve came and went bringing us into 2011. For this one dragged Sterling with me to Angus, the dreaded town that essentially kisses the ass of CFB Borden where I spent a horrifying year and a half in school at CFSATE (Canadian Forces School of Aerospace Technology and Engineering). Dear lord I had hoped never to see that disgusting place again, but unfortunately that was the latest posting for my buddy Terry and his wife, Erin, and his son, Drennan. Terry had invited me to his place for a party and I figured that since I always seemed to hum and haw over whether I would go to his place the various times he had invited me out, with everytime culminating in me being lazy and chickening out, deciding not to make the trip. So finally, feeling guilty that I had not gone to see them at all in the past few years, I packed my bags and drove the 3 hours to Angus. I have to say that I am thanking the gods that Sterling came with me because I don't think I would have gone alone. And I have to admit it was a nice little foray away from home for the night. I was able to scream all I want!
But seriously it gave us the chance to talk about things that had come up over the phone while I had been at my mother's, which I think we had both needed. It was quiet and restricted from interruptions which made for thorough explanations to be made. The issues I speak of are sadly all external to our actual relationship. As individuals it is almost scary how easy it is for us to live together and be together. There are never any true disagreements that could cause any serious tension and I'm shocked at how readily we were able to assimilate into a natural flow when at home considering how little time we have been together officially. The only issues I see are to do with unfinished business for Sterling, and undead feelings for me. But overtime I hope that all of this will work itself out. I am still unsure as to what I want but I hope that I'm shown what I need and that I make the right choice. I still fear giving up on something that is steadfast and sure for something that is turbulent though passionate and volatile. Though I do know myself far too well to be willing to settle for what is simple and easy, even if it feels good.
Otherwise, I am still in considerations over whether to sell my mare. There is a sale at Carson's in March just before I go to the desert and it hasd been suggested to me to put up posters at the local barns in the area to see if I can get a reasonable price for her and know that she is going to a good home, but I sit there and think of her potential and the breeding possibilities and the fact that for the mean time I can afford her upkeep, I just don't have the time to put into her. So for this year I am going to attempt to put the time into her. I don't ride half as long as I sometimes should, but if I have to cut my riding time from 45 mins to 30 per animal in an attempt to give them both attention, i might find that I will have the time for both and that Sadie will get the work she needs to stay trained and behaving the way she is supposed to. I can only hope I don't wear myself out in the mean time.
Here's hoping!
Lady S.
Another New Year's Eve came and went bringing us into 2011. For this one dragged Sterling with me to Angus, the dreaded town that essentially kisses the ass of CFB Borden where I spent a horrifying year and a half in school at CFSATE (Canadian Forces School of Aerospace Technology and Engineering). Dear lord I had hoped never to see that disgusting place again, but unfortunately that was the latest posting for my buddy Terry and his wife, Erin, and his son, Drennan. Terry had invited me to his place for a party and I figured that since I always seemed to hum and haw over whether I would go to his place the various times he had invited me out, with everytime culminating in me being lazy and chickening out, deciding not to make the trip. So finally, feeling guilty that I had not gone to see them at all in the past few years, I packed my bags and drove the 3 hours to Angus. I have to say that I am thanking the gods that Sterling came with me because I don't think I would have gone alone. And I have to admit it was a nice little foray away from home for the night. I was able to scream all I want!
But seriously it gave us the chance to talk about things that had come up over the phone while I had been at my mother's, which I think we had both needed. It was quiet and restricted from interruptions which made for thorough explanations to be made. The issues I speak of are sadly all external to our actual relationship. As individuals it is almost scary how easy it is for us to live together and be together. There are never any true disagreements that could cause any serious tension and I'm shocked at how readily we were able to assimilate into a natural flow when at home considering how little time we have been together officially. The only issues I see are to do with unfinished business for Sterling, and undead feelings for me. But overtime I hope that all of this will work itself out. I am still unsure as to what I want but I hope that I'm shown what I need and that I make the right choice. I still fear giving up on something that is steadfast and sure for something that is turbulent though passionate and volatile. Though I do know myself far too well to be willing to settle for what is simple and easy, even if it feels good.
Otherwise, I am still in considerations over whether to sell my mare. There is a sale at Carson's in March just before I go to the desert and it hasd been suggested to me to put up posters at the local barns in the area to see if I can get a reasonable price for her and know that she is going to a good home, but I sit there and think of her potential and the breeding possibilities and the fact that for the mean time I can afford her upkeep, I just don't have the time to put into her. So for this year I am going to attempt to put the time into her. I don't ride half as long as I sometimes should, but if I have to cut my riding time from 45 mins to 30 per animal in an attempt to give them both attention, i might find that I will have the time for both and that Sadie will get the work she needs to stay trained and behaving the way she is supposed to. I can only hope I don't wear myself out in the mean time.
Here's hoping!
Lady S.
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