Yet another year with the chance of it going to shit. Let us hope there is more in store for this one than there was the last!
Another New Year's Eve came and went bringing us into 2011. For this one dragged Sterling with me to Angus, the dreaded town that essentially kisses the ass of CFB Borden where I spent a horrifying year and a half in school at CFSATE (Canadian Forces School of Aerospace Technology and Engineering). Dear lord I had hoped never to see that disgusting place again, but unfortunately that was the latest posting for my buddy Terry and his wife, Erin, and his son, Drennan. Terry had invited me to his place for a party and I figured that since I always seemed to hum and haw over whether I would go to his place the various times he had invited me out, with everytime culminating in me being lazy and chickening out, deciding not to make the trip. So finally, feeling guilty that I had not gone to see them at all in the past few years, I packed my bags and drove the 3 hours to Angus. I have to say that I am thanking the gods that Sterling came with me because I don't think I would have gone alone. And I have to admit it was a nice little foray away from home for the night. I was able to scream all I want!
But seriously it gave us the chance to talk about things that had come up over the phone while I had been at my mother's, which I think we had both needed. It was quiet and restricted from interruptions which made for thorough explanations to be made. The issues I speak of are sadly all external to our actual relationship. As individuals it is almost scary how easy it is for us to live together and be together. There are never any true disagreements that could cause any serious tension and I'm shocked at how readily we were able to assimilate into a natural flow when at home considering how little time we have been together officially. The only issues I see are to do with unfinished business for Sterling, and undead feelings for me. But overtime I hope that all of this will work itself out. I am still unsure as to what I want but I hope that I'm shown what I need and that I make the right choice. I still fear giving up on something that is steadfast and sure for something that is turbulent though passionate and volatile. Though I do know myself far too well to be willing to settle for what is simple and easy, even if it feels good.
Otherwise, I am still in considerations over whether to sell my mare. There is a sale at Carson's in March just before I go to the desert and it hasd been suggested to me to put up posters at the local barns in the area to see if I can get a reasonable price for her and know that she is going to a good home, but I sit there and think of her potential and the breeding possibilities and the fact that for the mean time I can afford her upkeep, I just don't have the time to put into her. So for this year I am going to attempt to put the time into her. I don't ride half as long as I sometimes should, but if I have to cut my riding time from 45 mins to 30 per animal in an attempt to give them both attention, i might find that I will have the time for both and that Sadie will get the work she needs to stay trained and behaving the way she is supposed to. I can only hope I don't wear myself out in the mean time.
Here's hoping!
Lady S.
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