27 DEC 10: Questions without sanity.

The sad part about questions is they poke you uncomfortably in the head until answered.

I think the worst questions are always the "what ifs". Lately, my biggest what if is the choice I made last April when I broke off with my fiance, Ryan and started kind of seeing my current boyfriend, Sterling. Well I guess more so that I don't regret breaking up with Ryan because I think it helped both of us to have that time apart to live without the responsibility of a committed relationship. We just had too many issues that couldn't be solved by butting heads any longer. And being that he is a Capricorn and I'm an Aries, that is not a pretty fight to watch! But I am also questioning my current relationship due to exterior problems. Sterling and I get on so well that it's no work for us to reside together after only having been together for a short while. The hard part is the fact that he has not yet had the chance to dissolve the marriage he separated from at approximately the same time I left Ryan, aswell as a business he wants to sell of and shut down. Then there is the issue of his son Sawyer and the question of what can be done in the best interest of the child, especially if he ends up finding a posting message in his lap. But all of this is causing questions for me. I am wondering if he was really ready to take on the responsibility of a relationship with everything else he has to deal with. I just don't think it's fair to ask him to be part of something where I need him to be there when he barely has enough hours in a day to get everything else done. So now I am stuck with wondering whether I should break off with Sterling, consider going back to Ryan, stay single, or stay where I am and make the best of it. Sadly, because of all the unknowns, the decision scares me. I don't know whether leaving Sterling is the right decision, but I don't know if I can be happy staying with everything as it is now. I don't know whether going back to Ryan would work out, but I don't know if maybe I'd be missing something that could make me truly happy if I don't get back together with him. And will I be able to find someone who would love me just the way I am if I leave them both behind. It's a tough choice.

And I hope I make the right one.

Wish me luck,
Lady S.